Chaos, Boundaries, and Calm: What Wedding Coordinators Actually Handle (and Don’t)

Let’s be honest—coordinators are one of the most misunderstood roles in a wedding.

Some couples think we’re optional. Some think we only come in at the very last minute. Others think we do literally everything—including predicting if something will go wrong and making the rain stop. :) And yes, sometimes people look at us as if we are a combination of a superhero, a personal assistant, and an all around maid.

So let’s clear the air.

Here are some common misconceptions about wedding coordinators, explained clearly and honestly, with real-life wedding scenarios in mind.

Misconception #1:Coordinators are optional and can be booked later

Technically, a couple can book a wedding coordinator later in the planning process.

But in reality, planning without one early on often creates more problems than it solves. Even when couples book On-the-Day (OTD) coordination, the work does not magically start on the wedding day itself.

What is universally helpful, regardless of coordination package, is booking your coordinator early. Doing so allows you to:

• Understand the scope of coordination

• Know what you are expected to prepare on your end

• Avoid major gaps that are difficult to fix once suppliers are already booked and details are finalized

It is also more practical to account for coordination costs early, rather than treating them as a last-minute add-on.

Side note:

For couples without hands-on experience in event planning, semi or full coordination often provides far more value—when the budget allows. These services offer structured guidance, supplier vetting, and decision support long before the wedding day itself. And while they may appear to cost more upfront, the reduced stress, clearer planning process, and peace of mind they provide are often invaluable—especially in the weeks leading up to the wedding.

However, OTD coordination also does not mean “figure everything out on your own until the wedding day.” It simply means you have support at certain moments only—right before and during the wedding—hopefully, without unnecessary stress on either side. See more info below.

Misconception #2: On-the-Day coordinators only work on the day itself

Well, yes. And no. This is where a lot of confusion comes in.

On-the-Day coordination does not mean:

• No preparation

• No review of suppliers

• No pre-event input at all

OTD coordination simply means that the couple handles almost all of the planning. It does not mean there is no guidance, no preparation, or no structure at all beforehand.

In our case, even for OTD coordination:

• There is an initial consultation to understand the wedding setup - so we can set expectations and let you know the scope of our tasks

• A basic timeline framework is discussed

• A planning checklist or guidance is shared so couples know what to prepare and when it needs to be endorsed

And yes, it also means:

• The coordinator steps in closer to the wedding (sometimes just 1 to 2 weeks before)

• The coordinator aligns, reviews, and executes everything that has already been planned

This may vary from one coordination team to another—some prefer to meet only few days before the wedding, others earlier. There is no standard rule, but it's certainly a reminder to know the scope of services before booking a team.

But definitely, even for OTD coordination, there is always:

• A proper turnover

• A detailed timeline review

• Supplier endorsements

• Final checks

If a coordinator simply shows up on the wedding day with no preparation or meeting prior, that is not coordination—it is blind execution, done politely and with a smile.

Coordination, at its core, is about context, foresight, and informed decision-making. Without proper preparation, even the most well-meaning team is limited to reacting, rather than managing.

Misconception #3: Wedding coordinators do anything and everything

Wedding coordinators do a lot—this is true. But it is important to set clear boundaries.

A wedding coordinator:

• Manages the flow of the wedding

• Coordinates suppliers

• Looks after the couple

• Solves wedding-related issues

A wedding coordinator is not:

• An all-around maid

• A personal assistant for every guest

• An extension of a supplier’s team for tasks they are expected to handle themselves

Real wedding-day moments that explain this best

There have been many moments over the years that clearly show why boundaries matter.

• There was one time when a guest walked up to the registration table, trash in hand, and casually asked the coordination team to dispose of it—simply because they could not immediately spot (or were too lazy to find) a nearby bin.

• Then there are also situations involving suppliers that gently highlight the importance of shared responsibility.

  • There have been instances where items borrowed from the couple for photos—shoes, accessories, or personal details—were left scattered around the preparation area, with the assumption that the coordination team would later gather and return them. The more professional practice, of course, is to return borrowed items properly, just as they were received.

  • There have also been moments when food trash from packed meals was left in one corner by a supplier team, despite a clear carry-your-own-garbage (CAYGO) reminder. Not out of ill intent, but out of habit—one that unintentionally shifts responsibility to the coordination team.

• There are also situations involving the entourage. Requests to hold shoes, bags, or outfit changes come up more often than you might think.

  • One particularly eye-opening moment involved a maid of honor who asked the bridal manager/assistant to also carry her flats from the preparation area to the ceremony and reception, so she could change when her heels hurt.

This crosses a boundary because the bridal assistant’s role is designed to stay fully present for the bride, not to manage the personal belongings of the entourage.

To be clear, there are moments when a member of the coordination team, like a bridal assistant, will absolutely step in. Holding the bride’s phone, helping with outfit changes, managing emergency items, fixing a gown before the walk down the aisle, or quietly carrying essentials the bride needs throughout the day—these are all part of protecting the bride’s comfort and focus.

The distinction matters. When roles are respected, support remains intentional, energy is used where it matters most, and the couple receives the care they truly deserve.

Misconception #4: Even if it is not in the contract, coordinators should still do it -- especially for full packages

I agree that coordinators are known for going above and beyond. They often:

• Find quick solutions

• Step in during stressful moments

• Do small but thoughtful things to keep the day running smoothly

Examples of efforts that are often extra, but not required:

• Assisting in set up on the fly due to sudden weather changes, or personally assisting guests with umbrellas during outdoor-to-indoor transitions—a familiar dance in Baguio weddings

• Acting as a quiet go-between when emotions run high—mediating sensitive situations such as siblings who prefer not to be in the same photo, or family members who need gentle coordination without adding tension to the moment

• Finding solutions for items that were misplaced, forgotten, or never packed at all—despite it being established that these were not part of the coordination scope—by sourcing alternatives or creatively working around what’s missing so the celebration stays on track

  
  

These are acts of care—not obligations. They happen even as we calmly locate something that has gone missing because a family member misplaced it, gently pause a well-meaning parent who wants to make last-minute changes without the couple’s knowledge, or de-escalate an uninvited guest who insists they belong because the groom's uncle invited them—so the celebration stays peaceful and focused on the couple.

Still, coordination is always guided by:

• What is wedding-related

• What is reasonable

• What is clearly stated in the contract

Misconception #5: Venue coordinators and wedding coordinators serve the same role

This misconception often leads couples to skip hiring a wedding coordinator entirely.

The distinction is simple:

• Venue coordinators focus on the venue’s operations and policies. They make sure everything related to the venue runs smoothly.

• Wedding coordinators focus on the couple’s experience and the overall flow of the wedding from planning, preparation, until the end of the day.

These are complementary roles, not interchangeable ones. On a wedding day, plans can shift quickly due to weather, logistics, or timing. Having someone whose sole focus is the couple—anticipating changes, making decisions in real time, and protecting the flow of the day—can make all the difference between simply hosting an event and truly enjoying it.

Misconception #6: If something goes wrong, the coordinator failed

Weddings are live events. Even with the best preparation, unexpected issues can happen. Cue the “Oh no, the fog came early” or “the groomsmen were caught in traffic” moments.

The role of a wedding coordinator is not to promise a flawless day—it’s to:

• Anticipate potential problems

• Reduce their impact

• Resolve them quietly

• Protect the couple’s peace of mind

If guests never noticed an issue, that usually means the coordinator handled it well—often while laughing inwardly at the chaos that almost happened.

The Reality

A good wedding coordinator:

• Makes the wedding day lighter, not necessarily perfect but closest possible

• Handles what is wedding-related, not every personal request

• Works within clear boundaries

• Brings structure, foresight, and calm to a very busy day

And yes—sometimes that also means smiling politely while mentally reminding ourselves that we love our profession even if some people mistake us as random personnel who store baggage, prepare drinks, chase runaway programs, or become a mobile trash bin.

When expectations are clear, coordination works beautifully. Everyone knows their role. Energy is spent where it matters. And the couple is protected from the small distractions that can quietly steal joy from a once-in-a-lifetime day.

Because in the end, the wedding coordinator’s job is simple:

To protect the joy of the day—so the couple remembers the laughter, the vows, and the love, not the near-misses or the behind-the-scenes chaos.

That feeling of calm, presence, and happiness? That is what coordination is really for.

If you are still unsure what type of coordination fits your wedding, an honest conversation can clarify far more than assumptions ever will. Check out our other blogs or book a no commitment consultation with us.

A gentle note: The scenarios and perspectives shared here are based on personal experience, as well as conversations with fellow wedding suppliers over the years. Practices, workflows, and scopes naturally differ from team to team—and that’s okay. This perspective is not the single “correct” way to coordinate a wedding. What matters most is clarity, mutual respect, and alignment among everyone involved.