Decision-Making in Celebrations: Who Gets the Final Say?

Ah, the ever-present dilemma in event planning—who gets the final say? Some argue that decision-making power should rest with the ones footing the bill, while others firmly believe that the couple (or celebrant, in the case of a debut or birthday) should have full control. Ideally, the latter scenario holds true—the couple (in a wedding) pays for everything and makes all the decisions. However, reality often introduces sponsors into the mix, such as parents, other family members, or even close friends contributing financially. And here lies the challenge for us, the coordinators—who is our client?

From a business standpoint, it would seem logical to follow the directives of whoever is financing the event. But personally, I stand by the belief that a wedding, debut, or any milestone celebration is ultimately for the people being celebrated, regardless of who is paying. Of course, we remain open to suggestions—except, let’s be honest, some "suggestions" tend to be less of a recommendation and more of an imposition.

I’ve seen firsthand how this dynamic plays out.

Real-Life Scenarios -

• One wedding had a bride's mother so involved that she selected songs, outfits, and every tiny detail. By the final week, even her siblings (bride's aunts and uncles) had joined in, asserting their opinions under the guise of being "close family." Meanwhile, the groom confided privately that he had little say in the wedding and was merely convincing himself that perhaps their ideas were better. The irony? The wedding was primarily funded by the couple - the bulk from the groom's savings, with some contributions from both sides of the family, yet the groom’s wishes were barely considered.

  
  

• Another wedding saw the bride in tears mere days before the ceremony. Why? The groom’s mother insisted on implementing her ideas and preferences, despite the bride’s family shouldering most of the expenses.

  
  

• Contrast this with a debutant who was given complete freedom by her parents to make her own choices because, as they put it, "She is coming of age, after all." However, instead of making independent decisions, she deferred everything to her friends, constantly asking them what they thought would be "cool." In the end, her celebration reflected more of their preferences than her own.

This is the real challenge—when even fully grown adults, entering important turning points in their lives, still find themselves navigating external decision-making. Planning a wedding (or any major life celebration) is a test of relationships.

• How do you compromise?

• How do you prioritize each other’s happiness?

• How do you navigate big decisions together?

• How do you identify the thin line between what you want and what others think or say is good for you?

Imagine embarking on a defining journey in your life with too many "authors" writing the opening lines of your story. Instead of focusing on the excitement of the celebration, you find yourself navigating a maze of opinions, expectations, and compromises—sometimes at the cost of your own vision.

Finding Balance

Now, let’s be clear—this discussion applies to couples or celebrants who feel overwhelmed by external influence. Some genuinely enjoy gathering opinions, and while that may not be my preference, I respect their choice. The key takeaway is balance.

As planners, how do we handle this?

• We strive to maintain balance by always checking in with the couple or celebrant, even when parents or other contributors strongly advocate for their ideas.

• Sometimes, we ask the couple directly—who else should be involved in decision-making? This way, we manage expectations from the outset.

• If they ultimately choose to yield to their families' preferences, we proceed accordingly.

Final Thoughts

I love seeing families and close friends so engaged and willing to help—but it is crucial to know where to draw the line. As a family member or friend involved in planning, ask yourself—do you want to be the reason the celebrants later promise themselves that they will never do this to their own child? Offering an opinion is vastly different from enforcing it. If you are contributing financially or simply believe your ideas are superior, remember this: these events are once-in-a-lifetime. A truly valuable opportunity you can give the couple or celebrant is the ability to make their own meaningful choices that bring them joy and create lasting memories.

To couples, debutants, and celebrants in general: Stand your ground. While not everyone is granted full independence in planning, recognize that this is your event. It will only feel truly yours if your ideas come to life. Listen to advice, yes, but always return to the question: what do you want? Open communication is key, and we must normalize gently reminding our loved ones that while we value their input, we want this event to reflect our vision.

To parents, relatives, and close friends: You may feel that guiding every decision is an act of love, but sometimes, true love is in letting go. You may believe that sharing strong recommendations is generosity, but often, real generosity lies in holding back. On such a significant occasion, one of the greatest gifts you can give—aside from time, love, and support—is simply the freedom to choose.

And let’s not forget—the weight of these dynamics doesn’t fall solely on the couple or celebrant. As coordinators and suppliers, we also navigate the stress of shifting expectations, last-minute changes, and conflicting visions.  Of course, we aim to follow the wishes of our main client, but it becomes challenging when others approach us, insisting on their own preferences and justifying why we should listen to them instead. Navigating these conflicting directions while staying true to our client’s vision adds to the complexity of the planning process. A well-balanced planning process benefits everyone involved, creating a smoother, more joyful experience for all.